40 Things I Have Learned In 40 Years

What I want my daughter to know. Reminders I keep coming back to.

Today I turn 40.

For years I have wanted to compile the lessons life has taught me so far and preserve them for my daughter. Something she might one day read when she is older and curious about what her father had learned from his choices, mistakes and experiences.

As my birthday approached, I began going through old journals and notes, collecting the reflections that keep returning in different forms, usually because I haven't finished learning them.

What emerged were 40 things I have learned in 40 years.

They are not instructions for how anyone else should live. I have not mastered them, and many of them will keep changing as I do. They are lessons I hope she may one day find useful, and reminders I need to keep returning to myself.

Rather than keeping them only for us, I decided to share them here with you.

1. Don't be too busy to live life.

2. Keep your fixed costs under control. Otherwise you'll always be dependent on a high income.

3. You grasp hardest exactly where you love most. Learn to let go.

4. Excitement is not the same as fulfillment.

5. Moving places is never as bad as the thought of it.

6. Ambition isn't the problem, fear-driven ambition is.

7. When was the last time you felt truly rested?

8. Life is a symphony. Don't get too attached to the major key. The minor is what gives the major its meaning.

9. You can get very good at doing the wrong thing.

10. Watch small children, everything is play. Fun, lightness and curiosity are the antidote to taking it all so seriously.

11. Your body has a real intelligence which lies outside of the comprehension of the mind. Listen to it.

12. The next promotion will not make you happy. But if you choose to play the career game, standing still may not feel like an option.

13. Inconsistencies are what make us human.

14. Keep the mornings free for yourself. If you start your day well you've already won.

15. You don't know what the right path is for others.

16. Nothing is more pleasurable than simply being aware, whatever you are doing.

17. Don't live like your loved ones are immortal.

18. Keep a journal because we tend to forget things quickly. Keep it short and relevant.

19. Going against the cultural norm can feel very lonely at first. That's the price for doing things differently.

20. You can be fast without feeling hurried.

21. Most of your so-called problems are self-inflicted. You chose them.

22. Connecting with people matters more than being rational or saying something clever.

23. Don't hang on too long, don't let go too soon. You shouldn't let go of one liana before the other one is strong enough to hold you.

24. It is absurd that seeing the stars, breathing clean air, having nature around you is a privilege. We built our own prison and spend our lives decorating it.

25. Not every day is a high-energy day. Learn to live with all of them.

26. There is not just one truth. Your freedom lies in giving your choices their meaning.

27. Don't spend your life just accumulating knowledge. Don't be the gladiator who never enters the arena.

28. Nothing tests your mindfulness like a toddler.

29. How you feel each day when you wake up is a good gauge of how your life is going.

30. The bigger risk is taking the safe path and regretting it for the rest of your life.

31. Mindfulness alone won't make you a better person. But it shows you what matters most.

32. You can't stop the world's suffering, but you can do your small part in your own pixel.

33. Looking at something you already have from a new perspective is harder than going for novelty. But it's also more rewarding.

34. Being productive often comes at the cost of losing connection.

35. You have one car for all your life. How will you drive it?

36. How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don't want?

37. The deepest experiences don't require you to go anywhere. They are within you.

38. Time and attention are your most valuable resources. What you give them to is what you truly value — not what you say you value.

39. It always comes back to the same thing. Being aware of what is here, feeling it fully, letting it be exactly as it is.

40. At the end of your life, status, money and career won't matter. Only whether you were a good parent, partner, child, sibling and friend. Whether you loved well and received love.