Feeling Better — In a Different Way Than You Think

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"It's not about feeling better. It's about getting better at feeling."

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Dr. Gabor Maté

Most of us think we’re supposed to feel better. But what if the real growth comes from getting better at feeling?

We just returned from our 16-month sabbatical. I’ve started working again, taken on new mentoring clients, begun freelance work as a strategic advisor, navigated German business bureaucracy, prepared for our family’s move to Bali (our second home), and continued my advanced trainings.

And then there’s our toddler, who has made "full nights of sleep" a rare luxury.

It’s been a time of change, responsibility, and constant adaptation. It would have been easy to go on autopilot and push through, but instead, it's been a reminder of something important.

"Feeling Better" Isn't What I Thought It Was

One of my teachers, Tara Brach, tells the story of a man whose doctor recommended a meditation retreat so that he could "feel better."

After days of silence, the man returned irritated—the experience had stirred up more emotions than he expected, leaving him feeling worse.

When he complained to his doctor, the doctor replied, "I told you you'd feel (yourself) better. I didn’t say you’d feel better.”

This subtle distinction lies at the heart of mindfulness practice.

Yes, meditation can make us more focused, resilient, and healthy.

But it also removes, layer by layer, the armor we’ve built to survive the constant demands of modern life.

Without that armor, we begin to feel what's happening inside us: the tension, sadness, and fatigue, as well as the joy, connection, and sense of aliveness.

The Myth of Normal

This isn’t just a personal experience; it’s a reflection of how our entire culture conditions us to push through, numb ourselves, and perform, even at the expense of our well-being.

Physician and author Gabor Maté calls this the "myth of normal," the idea that living in a high-speed, stressed-out culture is just how life is. We normalize chronic tension and call it ambition. We normalize exhaustion and call it productivity.

However, the cost is high: rising rates of anxiety, burnout, autoimmune disease, and disconnection from ourselves and others.

For me, becoming more attuned to my body and mind means that I can actually listen when something is off. Instead of pushing through, I pause. I eat nourishing food. I move my body. I prioritize sleep (or at least try to make it as good as possible, given the toddler factor).

One constant I keep is my morning meditation practice.

This daily check-in sets the tone for my entire day. It prevents me from being overly reactive. It also allows me to fully experience the highs, such as mornings when I’m rested, moments when I’m deeply connected with my family, and the joy I feel when I observe simple things during my walks.

The pendulum swings both ways. The more present we are with discomfort, the more present we can be with beauty.

For many of us, the instinct is to push past the difficult stuff. But when we resist unpleasant feelings, we add an extra layer of tension and suffering.

When we turn toward them with awareness, something shifts.

They loosen their grip. And suddenly, the same awareness that holds disappointment, frustration and anxiety can hold joy, love, and excitement with equal depth.

This Is Why I Practice — And Why I Invite You In

I used to believe that the goal in my life was to be strong and tough all the time, to be productive, and to protect myself against negative feelings.

Now, I see things differently. The point is to live life to the fullest—to embrace the entire spectrum of life, from the messy lows to the breathtaking highs.

Mindfulness isn't about escaping life. It's about fully experiencing life with equanimity, the ability to embrace it all without getting lost in it.

If you’re interested in learning how mindfulness can help you face life's challenges and joys with greater steadiness, join one of my online meditation circles.

Upcoming dates can be found in the Events section of my website natureofmind.life/meditation-circle. It's a welcoming space where you can slow down, connect, and practice presence together.